Something Is Missing
by Karen-Charlene
Summary: Set after episode 12x11 'Ms. Willows Regrets.' What if the car driver at the end of the episode wasn't D.B.?


**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI nor that characters - CBS and Anthony E. Zuiker do.**

**Rating: T.**

**A/N: Hi, guys! I've been meaning to post it since next week, but couldn't find the time. Plus, I've been too busy sobbing over 'Willows in the Wind.' No, seriously, I'm so depressed now. You don't even want me to start talking about it 'cause it'd be longer than this fic.  
>If you've already watched 'Willows in the Wind' you'll notice that some things aren't exactly correct, but that's only because I wrote it after watching 'Ms. Willows Regrets.'<br>Anyway, I haven't forgotten about Life Changing Experience, don't worry, and I'm gonna update it soon - I already have the two last chapters written. And I'm also working on a few new fics - one of them about 'Willows in the Wind' - and they should be up soon as well, if I have time.  
>Okay, I better shut up now. Enjoy the story (:<strong>

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><p>"Do you want me to come in?" Lou asked as he pulled up outside Catherine's house and placed his hand gently on top of hers.<p>

Catherine looked at anything but him before looking down. "It's probably not a good idea." Her voice was still a little shaky from crying and her eyes and nose were red. She had just witnessed a terrifying sight: her best friend and the man she had spent an amazing night with were dead and their bodies were completely burnt. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so upset and devastated.

Lou tried not to show too much disappointed, even though he really wanted to be with Catherine and comfort her. "Well, if you need anything, call me. Okay?"

She let out a breath and smiled weakly at him. "Thanks."

She offered him another weak smile before getting out of the car and leaning through the window. She looked at him for a few seconds and let out a sigh before saying, "You deserve more, Lou." Her voice was almost breaking and she was afraid she would start crying. She didn't want to cry in front of him; she didn't want him to pity her and she didn't want him to see how weak and vulnerable she was.

She couldn't believe she was saying those words. She missed him and she wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again, especially now, when she was so broken. But she knew she couldn't do this to him. They had stopped seeing each other and she had slept with McQuaid. She couldn't just play with Lou; be with him whenever it was comfortable or whenever she needed a release and then dump him.

Both of them missed each other and wanted to be together again, but neither of them had the courage to admit it.

The second the words escaped her lips Lou's expression turned into a somewhat shocked one. Until that moment he had believed he still had a chance with her, and now she was telling him that he didn't deserve her; that she wasn't good enough for him.

_'But I do deserve you. I love you and I want you! I miss you!'_

He didn't dare say those words out loud. He was so heartbroken and no matter how much he tried to hide it, Catherine noticed it; she saw it in his eyes. She could always tell what he was feeling just by looking into his eyes. And seeing what she saw this time was too much for her to handle; too much for one day. So, she just smiled slightly before she started walking towards her house, turning around halfway and holding up a hand to say goodbye. Lou looked at her for a second, trying not to make such a big deal out of it, then drove off.

Catherine unlocked her front door and walked into the house, turning on some of the lights. She put her keys on the table near the door and walked over to the one near the arm chair, taking her gun out of her belt and placing it on the table. She stood in the middle of her living room and went through her mail, but couldn't concentrate. The only thing she could think about was the two people, who were so dear to her, and had been found torched. She drew in a breath, stopping the tears from pouring out, and dropped her bag onto the couch.

She was looking at her reflection in the glass window when suddenly a loud noise startled her. She turned around to see the glass on the framed picture of her and Lindsey shattered, but before she had a chance to register what was happening - let alone react - bullets came flying all over the place. She immediately dropped onto the floor and hid behind the sofa in an attempt to get away from the bullets. They were shattering her window glass, piercing the cushions on the sofa and smashing everything standing in their way.

Catherine didn't even have the time to register what was happening, and for now, it wasn't her first priority. The most important thing was, well, not to die. With that in mind she crawled over to the small table standing next to the sofa and reached for her back-up gun holster, trying to dodge the bullets in the process, only to find it empty. And then her eyes spotted the gun she had left on the table in the corner of the room just a minute earlier.

Determined to reach for the gun, she quickly moved towards it, accidently pushing the nearest lamp to the floor in the process, and grabbed the gun. She quickly stood on her feet and made a run towards the door, all the while trying to get away from the bullets, and then stopped halfway and spun around, shooting in the direction of the completely shattered glass window, where the bullets were coming from, before proceeding to make her way quickly towards the front door and leave the destroyed house.

She ran down the driveway, all the while looking back in the direction of the house to check no one was chasing her, until she was stood in the middle of the road and looking towards her house. That's when the realization settled in completely: the people who had killed her best friend and the man she had spent the night with were now coming for her.

However, she didn't have much time to think as she heard a car's engine. She turned around and the first thing she saw was a dazzling light. It didn't take her long to realize a car was speeding in her direction. She aimed the gun in the direction of the car, but the car wouldn't stop; wouldn't even slow down. She, however, was suddenly frozen. She could just shoot whoever was in the car, point blank, but she couldn't move. Her eyes were fixated on the car, her hands were sweaty and her body was shaking.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Five shots were fired and the car's wheels made a loud screech as the car passed by Catherine's side and then stopped in a sudden, indicating the driver had been hit and killed.

Catherine was still standing in the same position as before, frozen. For a second she thought she was the one who shot the car, but then realized she hadn't even moved. She finally came back to reality and turned around; finding Lou standing behind her with his gun still aimed in the direction hers was a second ago. He was staring at the unmoving car and then tore his eyes from it and looked at her.

A mixture of shock, fear and worry was written all over both their faces. Lou finally let his arms drop to his sides, and to Catherine it only seemed natural to drop into his arms. She walked over to him, closing the small gap between their bodies, and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, her body and head pressed to his strong, muscular chest. He carefully wrapped his arms around her small frame and held her close to his body, one of his hands stroking her hair soothingly. Her body was still in shock and trembling and the horrifying shootout, which had just occurred still hadn't registered in her head. However, she felt somewhat safe in her ex-boyfriend's arms; maybe because he had just saved her life, and maybe because she missed his embrace.

Nevertheless, neither of them had time to relax when the shootings that had stopped for a moment started again, forcing both of them to drop down onto the ground and breaking the hug in the process.

"Come on, get in the car!" Lou yelled through the noise of the shots while grabbing Catherine's hand and dragging her with him towards his car.

They quickly climbed into the car, dodging the bullets that were being fired mercilessly in their direction. Lou didn't waste time starting the engine and taking off, the bullets piercing holes in the back of his car.

"You okay?" He glanced at her once they were away from all the bullets and noise. Their hearts were still racing and their chests were rising and falling rapidly, their pants filling the car.

Catherine just nodded, still trying to sort her breath. Everything had happened so fast; she wasn't even sure what had happened. One thing she knew was she was scared. Her body was still sweaty and shaky; she could literally feel her bones shaking. Catherine Willows wasn't a woman who would get scared so easily, but this time she was scared - truly scared - and she couldn't even hide it.

"Are you hurt?" Lou asked.

"Just a little scratch on my shoulder, I'll be fine," she answered, glancing briefly at her bleeding shoulder. During the shootouts and her attempt to escape the bullets a bullet passed just by her shoulder and caused a deep cut in it. Lou looked at the bleeding shoulder and gasped.

"It doesn't look good; I'm taking you to the hospital."

"I'm fine, really, just take me to the lab, I need to talk to D.B."

"Catherine's you're bleeding, you need to have this wound looked at."

"Lou, I'm fine!" she exclaimed. "Now can you, please, take me to the lab?"

Without further words, afraid to piss her off – he knew how Catherine could be when she was angry and it wasn't nice – Lou looked back at the road and drove to the crime lab.

Still shocked from the e–mail he had just received from Catherine, D.B. was just printing the letter when a wounded CSI burst into his office with the detective by her side.

"Catherine, I was just on my way to your house," he said as he got up. "We need to talk."

"Forget about it now," Catherine said. "Mark Gabriel and his guys just tried to kill me."

"What?"

"She's wounded her shoulder, but she won't let anybody see." Lou jumped into the conversation before Catherine could say anything, earning a glare from the strawberry-blonde.

"It's nothing; it's just a little scratch. Right now our first priority is to get Mark Gabriel."

D.B., however, was having none of it and his concern about his colleague took over. "Let me see the wound."

"It's nothing-"

"I'm not asking you to show me the wound, Catherine," he cut her off. "I'm telling you, as your boss, show me the wound."

Catherine stared at his serious face for a bit and when she realized he wasn't going to give up she sighed and pushed her jacket and blouse to the side, revealing a deep, bleeding cut on her shoulder. D.B. stepped closer to her to get a better look at the cut and tried to touch it gently, but she flinched.

"It's pretty deep. We need to get you to the hospital, otherwise it could become infected."

"I'm fine, I feel fine." She tried to protest, but again, the look on her boss' face told her she wasn't going to win this argument. She sighed in defeat and agreed to be taken to the hospital.

After the doctor had patched her up and bandaged her wound D.B. told her to take some time off work and rest and assured her that he and the team would do everything in their power to solve her friend's murder. She, of course, protested and it took a lot of time and energy to convince her to give up. When she finally did D.B. went back to work, leaving her alone with her ex-boyfriend.

There was an awkward silence between the two for what seemed like hours, but were only a couple of minutes. Both were thinking about the latest events: the short conversation they had had in Lou's car just before the whole shootout began; how Catherine had almost died, and how Lou showed up at the last minute and saved her life.

"Where are you gonna go now?" Lou finally broke the silence, receiving a sigh from Catherine.

"Well, my house is pretty much ruined and you heard what D.B. said, it's gonna take a while before the team finishes up there, so I'm probably gonna crush at a motel or something. It's better than my mom's," she added with a small grin.

"No, no way. You're not going to stay at a motel alone tonight, not after this." He pointed to the bandaged cut on her shoulder, and when he saw the somewhat surprise flashing across her face he said, "They're after you, Catherine. They tried to kill you and you survived, they're gonna try again. You can't be alone."

After another uncomfortable silence he took a deep breath and said, "You can stay at mine if you want."

Catherine's head snapped up and she studied his face. She could tell he still cared for her and as more than just a friend. And if she was honest with herself, she felt the same. She meant what she had said earlier – she really did believe he deserved more, after all she was nothing but a screw up – but it was so hard to let go.

So, against her own will she asked, "You sure?" She knew she should have said no, but unfortunately her heart was stronger than her brain and for a moment she couldn't find anything wrong about it.

"I wouldn't have suggested if I wasn't."

She offered him a small smile and nodded. "Thanks."

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><p>Lou unlocked his front door and let them both in. He looked at Catherine's face and saw how exhausted she looked; after all she had been through a lot in the past couple of hours. Nevertheless, she still looked incredibly beautiful.<p>

"You can have the spare room, you know where it is, and if you need anything, help yourself or just call me."

"Thanks." She half-smiled at him.

"Do you need anything to sleep in?" She glanced at her shoulder; her blouse and jacket were still bloody from the cut and she didn't have anything else to wear, seeing as she couldn't come near her house.

_'Damn, didn't think about it.'_

Lou chuckled slightly as he saw the look on her face. "It's okay; you can have something of mine. I still have that T-shirt you liked to wear." She smiled slightly as he led her upstairs.

Later that night they were both in bed. Catherine was tossing and turning non stop. Her head was filled with disturbing thoughts about her best friend who had just died along with the man she had gave herself in to; about almost being killed and having Lou saving her at the last minute. And then all the other thoughts were gone as Lou took place in her mind and a warm feeling filled her heart. Why was she trying to fight what she was feeling? Because she had slept with another man? He was dead anyway. She knew it was a horrible thing to think about, but maybe she was just trying to find an excuse to be with Lou again.

Eventually the thoughts drove her crazy and she had to do something about them. With that in mind she tossed the blanket away from her body and got out of bed. She walked to his bedroom and knocked on the door quietly.

"Yeah?" came Lou's groggy voice from inside the room and she opened the door.

He rolled over in bed and looked at her standing in the doorway. "Is everything okay? Do you need anything?" She nodded. "What?" he asked as he sat up.

"You." She smiled as she saw the look of surprise mixed with confusion on his face and walked over to the bed. She lifted the blanket from his body and climbed on top of him, her legs on either side of him. He in turn placed his hands on her hips as she bent down and kissed him passionately.

Catherine's eyes fluttered open and she looked around her in the dark room.

_'Damn, it was just a dream.'_

She closed her eyes again and tried to fall asleep, but failed, miserably.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom on the other side of the hallway Lou was having his very own sweet dream.

In his dream Catherine was sitting on the couch in his living room and he was knelt in front of her and bandaging the cut on her shoulder. When he was done he ran his hand down her arm giving her the goose bumps. He smiled when he realized what he was doing to her and bent down, gently kissing her shoulder just near her cut. Catherine's breath hitched as he slowly moved his kisses up her shoulder to her neck, jaw line and finally, to her mouth. Their lips met in a deep, hungry kiss and soon both were moaning into the kiss as clothes started flying everywhere.

Lou's eyes opened and he groaned as he buried his face in the pillow, determined to fall back to sleep and finish the amazing dream he had just had. When he couldn't fall asleep he sighed and got out of bed, walking downstairs. He walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, and the first thing he saw when his hands left his eyes was long, toned legs. His eyes slowly wandered up the legs to the small body covered with his old green T-shirt and finally to Catherine's face. She was sitting on a stool by the breakfast bar with a glass of milk in her hand and staring at him.

_'Man, she looks so sexy with this T-shirt, and her legs… wait, is it another dream?'_

"You okay?" Catherine's voice brought him back to reality. No, it wasn't a dream.

"Y-yeah. What are you doing here? I thought you were asleep."

"I couldn't sleep so I came down here to get a glass of milk, I hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all," he said as he walked over to the counter, poured water into a glass and sat down next to her, sipping his water. "How's your shoulder?"

"Still a bit sore, but I'll live." She gave him a small smile.

The room was silent for what seemed like ages; only the slight sound of birds outside could be heard. Both Catherine and Lou were thinking about the dreams they had just had, but neither dared say anything. That until Catherine spoke up with the question which had been stuck in her head since the moment Lou showed up at her driveway and shot the car driver.

"What were you doing at my house?"

Lou came back to reality and looked at her confused. "What?"

"Why did you come back?" She wasn't angry; she was confused and curious. After what she had said to him in the car, the last thing she expected him to do was to come back. On the contrary, she thought he would never want to speak to her again.

Lou let out a breath and gently placed his hand on top of hers. "Because I do deserve you." She frowned in confusion. "I don't believe you when you say I deserve more. I don't think you believe yourself. I think it's just easier for you than to face what you're truly feeling."

"And what is that?" She asked quietly, her sparkling blue eyes staring directly into his green-gray ones.

"That you want to be with me. That you're scared; scared of commitment, of giving yourself over to someone else."

"You think you know me so well." A half smile played across he lips - a somewhat mocking smile.

"No, I don't. That's what got us into all this mess in the first place. I want to get to know you, Catherine. Stop shutting me out." He brought his face closer to hers and she could feel his hot breath blowing on her lips, which made her shudder slightly. They were so close and all she wanted to do was touch him, be with him. She had wanted to do that for so long.

"Nothing good can come out of it," she whispered, their lips almost touching.

"Tell me you didn't mean what you'd said in the car and I'll stop," he whispered just as quietly. "Tell me you believe I deserve more."

Catherine's eyes got stormy and she stared down at his lips. She just wanted to crash her lips on them. She wanted him, but she was too afraid to admit it. Every time she gave herself over to someone she got hurt. She couldn't risk it again. However, her heart was stronger than her head.

"I can't," she whispered, already on the verge of tears. She couldn't say it because she knew he was right. She knew exactly what she was feeling about him and as much as she was afraid to have it, she was afraid to let it go away. Their lips finally connected. She felt her heartbeats pick up pace and goose bumps forming on her skin. It was a tender kiss at first – just lips softly touching – but soon turned more heated and the two were moaning into each other's mouths. Lou cupped her face and pulled her closer and deeper into the kiss, and she in turn wrapped her arms around his shoulders, moaning into the kiss as she felt his tongue seeking entrance into her mouth. She parted her lips willingly and invited his tongue dance with her own.

They got up without breaking the kiss and started stumbling towards the stairs, giggling against each other's lips as they bumped into things on their way.

As soon as they walked through the door of Lou's bedroom they landed together on the bed, Lou on top of Catherine. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and drew his body closer to hers as his hands started roaming her body, making her arch against him and moan into his mouth.

Twenty minutes later they were lying naked under the white blanket, Lou spooning Catherine's from behind and drawing lazy circles on her stomach with his fingers. Both of them had the biggest grins on their faces and were still trying to catch their breath.

"I forgot how amazing you are," Lou said with a smile as he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, eliciting a smile from the strawberry-blonde in his arms.

However, the smile slowly subsided and she lay in silence for a couple of minutes before saying, "I slept with McQuaid." When he didn't respond right away she turned her head slightly to look at him. "You know, the FBI Agent, the one who died."

"Yeah, I know who he is," Lou said quietly, the smile no longer on his face. Catherine turned her head back to stare at the door in front of her, surprised that he was still keeping his arms around her body.

"When?" he finally asked.

"A few weeks ago."

"We weren't together a few weeks ago."

She slowly turned her whole body to face him, frowning slightly. "You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? It's not like you cheated or anything, we weren't together, you had the right to sleep with whoever you wanted."

She nodded before looking into his eyes and asking, "Are we together now?"

"I don't know. Do you want us to be together?"

The smile slowly returned to her lips and she nodded. "I do. I've wanted it for a long time," she finally admitted.

"Me, too." He smiled as he leant down and kissed her softly before pulling back slightly, resting his forehead against hers and stroking her arm with his fingertips. "I love you," he whispered.

Her eyes widened slightly, but her smile slowly widened as well. "That's the first time you said it."

"I mean it."

"I love you, too." Lou smiled and kissed her again, this time with more passion. Catherine wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

She was no longer alone; she had found what was missing in her life and got it back, and she wasn't planning on letting it go.

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><p><strong>I stayed up till 9am to publish this story! lol but I'm not tired ;)<strong>

**Anyway, they shouldn't have left things between VCR the way they did. Now that Catherine is gone they will never be together *SOBS***

**Leave me a review, I love hearing what you think (:**

**-Zohar.**


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